Humor Page: aggies

This executive was interviewing a nervous young Aggie for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about his personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

The Aggie quickly responded, "The living one."

Nate tells me when he was in line to return his rented DVDs and an Aggie was in front of him who was also returning a rented DVD. He motioned to the "Please Rewind" sign and said to the clerk, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't find the rewind button. Is there an extra charge?" The clerk, without even changing expressions, said, "No Sir, we'll make an exception for you this time."

An airline captain was training a brand-new Aggie co-pilot. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the pilot the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the captain was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new co-pilot was missing. He knew which room he was in at the hotel and called him up wondering what happened to him. He answered the phone, panic, and said he couldn't get out of his room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The Aggie replied, "There are only three doors in here," he continued, "... one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign hanging on the knob that says 'Do Not Disturb'! ..."

John gets a call from his Aggie girlfriend, Judy.

"I've got a problem," says Judy.

"What's the matter?" asks John.

"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?" asks John.

"It's of a big Rooster," replies Judy.

"All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he goes over to Judy's house and Judy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over." Judy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.

John looks at the "jigsaw" and then turns to Judy and says, "For Heaven's sake, Judy, put the cornflakes back in the Box!"

A new-hired lady Aggie is explaining to her parents the bad day she'd had at work. Her boss had suffered a heart attack and died.

Her dad said, "How horrible! What did you do?"

The Aggie shook her head. "There was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn't tell me the rest of the numbers!"

The College Station Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident:

Returning home from work, an Aggie was shocked to find his house ransacked and burglarized. He telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the Aggie ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to his head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman!"

A pickup with three Aggies in it pulls into the lumber yard. One of them gets out and goes into the store.

"I need some four-by-two's," he says.

"You must mean two-by-four's" says the clerk.

The Aggie gets a kind of a blank stare and scratches his head. "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go check."

He goes out to the truck. The window gets rolled down, and there's an animated conversation. Finally the Aggie comes back in.

"Yeah," he says, "I meant two-by-fours."

"OK," says the clerk, "how long you want 'em?"

The Aggie gets the blank look again. "Uh ...I guess I better go check," he says.

He goes out to the truck, again. There's another animated conversation. The guy comes back into the office.

"A long time," the Aggie says, "we're building a house".

Their were these two Aggies that won a Ford Country Squire station wagon in a raffle. It was one of those monstrosities with the fake wood on the sides that one sees so much in the suburbs. Well, they drove the car home, put it in their garage and immediately started ripping off the wood siding. They ripped of the tailgate siding, the front fender siding, and the door sidings. Finally, they had removed it all, and the first Aggie turned to the second Aggie and said: "I don't know about you, but I thought it looked better before we unpacked it."

Why does Aggie graduate put his/her diploma on the dashboard?
So he can park in the handicapped spots.

Why do the Aggies bring sandpaper to the desert ?
They use it as a map ...

There was a truck driver driving a heavy trailer somewhere in the rockies. The hills hindered his view of parts of the road as he came up the hills. He went down a hill real fast and then up and over the next hill real fast. Sure enough 5 Aggies jump out in front of the truck. He had no chance to stop in time so he hit all of them. He figured that the only thing that he could do was to bury them, because he was in the middle of nowhere and there was nobody to call etc. Right as he finished putting the last of the dirt on the grave, a state trooper pulled up. He asked what happened and the driver told him that he had hit the Aggies and that he was burying them. The cop said:
"That is commendable to bury them, but are you sure that they were all dead?" The driver replied:
"Well, two or three of them said that they were alright, but you know how these Aggies lie!"

What is the object of Aggie football?
To get the quarter back.

Seems a group of four Aggies (students from Texas A&M for those unfamiliar with the traditions between Texas and Texas A&M) were arrested just outside of Austin by Travis County Sheriff's officers early one morning (Nov 4). They were spotted removing highway signs from their signposts and "making off" with them. Their explanation was that they were going to use the signs as *fuel* in the traditional Aggie Bon Fire which is held the week before the Texas-Texas A&M football game which is on Nov 26. All the signs in the back of their truck had the word "Austin" in them (they were mileage markers reading "Austin 16", "Austin 24", "Austin 44", etc.) and formed a trail leading back to College Station.

The signs were all made of metal.

A group of Aggies were driving down the highway to Disneyland when they saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, they all said to themselves "oh well!" and turned around and drove home.

Q: If an Aggie and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The Aggie has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: Why did the Aggie scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Two Aggies, Tom and Jack, were sitting in a bar one day, when two fishermen walked in with 2 huge trout, one of the Aggies asked where the guys got the fish, and the fishermen told the Aggies that they go down to the bridge, one guy would hold the other by the ankles until a fish was caught.

The Aggies figured that they could to that.

After holding Tom for about 20 minutes, Jack asked Tom if he had anything, the reply was "no". About 20 more minutes passes, so Jack asked again, and again the reply was "no". Finally, Tom yelled "Pull me up!! Pull me up!!". Jack exclaimed "Ya got one?". Tom said "No! a train is comming!!"

A couple are going to have a baby. The woman's time comes, and as she is taken into the operating room, she calls he husband over and says to him:

"Honey, there's something I really have to tell you."

"Can't this wait?" says the husband.

"No," says the wife. "There is a very old tradition in my family that the oldest living male always gets to name any new children born to anyone in the family. That means my brother must name our children. I know this comes as a shock, but I couldn't tell you earlier, because I didn't want to upset you."

"But, but ..." sputters the husband, "I *know* your brother that he is an Aggie. There's no question but that he'll mess this up!"

"I'm sorry," says the wife, "but that's the way it has to be."

Time is getting short, and not wanting to upset his wife any further, the husband finally relents. The blessed time comes, and to every one's surprise the mother gives birth to a set of healthy, beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. The father is, of course, delighted, but his happiness is tempered by the question he knows he must ask his wife. Finally he can put it off no longer.

"Alright," he says, taking a deep breath, "What did your brother name our daughter?"

"Denise," says the mother quietly.

"Oh," says the surprised father. "That's a pretty name. Perhaps this won't be so bad after all. What did he name our son?"

"Denephew," said the mother.

Five people were flying in a small airplane. One was the pilot, and the three passengers were, in order; President, an Aggie, a priest, and a hippie. During mid-flight, the pilot comes into the passenger compartment, and says "We seem to have developed some engine trouble. Since I'm the pilot, I'm going to bale out. There are only four parachutes." Then the pilot gave a wave and jumped out with a parachute. The President said, "Well, I'm the President, so, well, umm, bye!" Now only the Aggie, the priest and the hippie were left in the plane. The Aggie looked at the others and announced, "I am surely the smartest man in the world so I'm out of here!" The priest says to the hippie, "Well, son, I've lived a long and full life -- you take the parachute!" The hippie says, "Hey man, we're cool. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my radical backpack!"

Two Aggies are digging a deep hole while a foreman stands at the top of the hole and gives them orders. The slightly more intelligent Aggie asks, "Why are we digging while he stands up there and does nothing?"
"I dunno," says the slightly less intelligent Aggie, and climbs up out of the hole to ask the foreman the same question.

"Well," says the foreman, "I've got a thing called 'brains', which you wouldn't know anything about, and that's why I'm the foreman and you're the laborer."
"What are brains?" asks the Aggie.
"I'll show you," answers the foreman, placing his hand against a tree. "I want you to hit my hand as hard as you can." The Aggie winds up and swings, but the foreman pulls his hand away at the last second and the Aggie ends up with bloody knuckles. "That's brains," says the foreman, "so get back to work."

The Aggie nods and descends into the hole, where he leans on his shovel and begins instructing the other man where to dig, and how fast.
"Why do you get to give me orders all of a sudden?" asks the man who had stayed in the hole.
"It's about brains, which you wouldn't know anything about."
"What are brains?"
(Holding his hand in front of his face) "Hit my hand as hard as you can..."

An Aggie comes to his friend in tears.
"My beautiful comb. I broke a tooth on it an now I can't use it anymore. What am I going to do? Now I'll have to buy another one."
"Well," said his friend, "you don't need to buy another just because you lost one tooth on your comb."
"But you don't understand. It was the last tooth."

Derek has a half-brother, Gordon, who is about five years old. One Sunday after church, they were visiting with their pastor. The pastor asked the boy, "Gordon, when you grow up, do you want to go to Texas A&M like your brother?"

Gordon answered, "No sir. I want to go to college."

An Irishman, a Mexican and an Aggie were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The Aggie opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day - the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican open his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The Aggie opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral - The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also weeps and says "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Aggie's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He makes his own lunch!"

An Aggie had a major argument with his girlfriend. He was in the wrong, but not enough to back down without an argument.

So after storming away, and cooling off, the Aggie had a think. He was clearly in the wrong and felt pretty guilty, with all the trauma it had caused.

So to make it up to his girlfriend, he said he'd buy her a gift.

"Any thing at all, my love", the Aggie said, overcome with remorse.

"Oh, I don't know", she replied, "You really shouldn't do this you know. But, if you are, just get me something really expensive, that I don't need."

The following day he booked her in for chemotherapy.